2024 is here, and i guess, a new year is always a good moment to recalibrate and start over. Not that you can't restart any other moment, but the idea of the "start" of the new year somehow makes us believe we can actually make a change that will count. It's like saying;
"Starting on Monday, i'm on a diet"
or, "Next semester i'll start preparing for the exams two months before the actual date of the exams".
The idea of "new beginnings" gives us a moment in time to say, "This is it, from this moment on, i'm changing X".
Did it ever help me change anything? Am i on a diet because the year started on an actual Monday? Am i preparing for my exams next month? No, and no. But there are reasons for both of those things actually.
For starters, i'm not supposed to be on a diet, sure, i'm doing my best to eat healthy, but not on a diet. In this house (aka, my house) we don't diet... we don't talk about dieting or fasting at all. Actually, quite the opposite, i'm supposed to eat as any other healthy person, not thinking about or counting calories. I'm also not supposed to say stuff like "i'm getting fatter", if anything, "i'm gaining some weight". Also, i shouldn't be checking my weight on the scale every day. I'm supposed to live my regular life without my weight being the center of it. I'm just trying to be normal about it. ...
As for studying for my exams... I can't even believe i'm in college.
I just started my second year on Systems Analytics, but last year was just so demanding, i can't believe i managed to finish it. I did fail one of my classes, but in my defense, i got covid a week before the exam and i couldn't prepare for it as even on the day of the exam i was running a high fever. Not to mention the teacher for the practices was so hard to follow... he just speedran the course. So yeah, i have to retake the course this summer but the rest of the courses went pretty well.
I think i derailed from what i wanted to talk about here, but hey, i'm just writing some stuff for myself, so who cares if i'm not talking actually about anything relevant?
Anyway, going back to what i wanted to say on this post...
The last 2 or 3 years of my life were unexpected, a lot of things changed for good or bad, but i recently sat by myself and tried to understand whether i'm happy with how things in my life are going or not.
The short answer was, in some ways.
The larger answer would be, my life used to be different. I used to read, watch tv, movies, listen to music, go to work and back and that was it. Now i'm taking care of myself, i'm studying to get my degree, i'm becoming a responsible adult... but i miss a lot of the stuff i used to do before.
And so, this is the year. This is the year i'm combining the good stuff from both ways i lived my life until now.
I'm going back to reading, to enjoy shows, movies, and music... but i'm also taking care of my physical and mental health, i'm taking my degree seriously, i'm living like a responsible adult...
I'm setting myself some goals to keep myself on track.
Is this gonna work? Not sure, but at least i'm gonna do my best to fulfill all the goals i wrote down for myself this year. I need to find the balance between how i used to be and how i am today, because i'm still young and there are a lot of things i wanna do before i run out of time.
Last year i got hit by reality and understood that maybe, even if you think you have a lot of time on your behalf, that might not be the case, so if i want to get to do and be the way i always dreamed, i need to take action now, not wait for my life to be over and lament all the things i could have done but didn't.
I truly hope this works.
Wolfie.
